Fear of Childbirth? You're Not Alone

Let's talk about something that doesn't get talked about enough: the fear of pregnancy and childbirth.

Not a mild nervousness. Not pre-birth jitters. A deep, visceral fear that makes the entire concept feel impossible.

If this is you, there's a name for it. And more importantly—you're far from alone.

What is Tokophobia?

Tokophobia is an intense fear of pregnancy and childbirth. The term comes from the Greek "tokos" (childbirth) and "phobos" (fear), and it was first documented in medical literature in 2000.

It's not in the DSM-5 as its own diagnosis, but it's classified as a specific phobia. And it's far more common than most people realize.

The numbers:

• 14-16% of women experience significant fear of childbirth
• 6% have severe tokophobia that impacts their life decisions
• 25% of pregnant women in one study reported high or very high fear

That's not a tiny minority. That's millions of people.

Two Types of Tokophobia

Primary tokophobia develops before ever being pregnant—often starting in adolescence. It might come from hearing traumatic birth stories, witnessing others' experiences, or simply an innate response to the idea of pregnancy and birth.

Secondary tokophobia develops after a traumatic pregnancy or birth experience. It's closely linked to PTSD.

Both are real. Both are valid.

The Fear is Rational

Here's something that often gets left out of the conversation: the fear isn't irrational.

Pregnancy and childbirth carry real, documented risks. The United States has the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed nation—and it's getting worse.

U.S. maternal mortality statistics:

• The maternal mortality rate increased 93% from 2018 to 2022
• 817 women died from maternal causes in 2022 alone
• Black women face 2.6x higher mortality rates than white women
• Women over 40 have 6x higher mortality rates than those under 25

Leading causes of maternal death:

• Cardiovascular disease
• Infection and sepsis
• Hemorrhage
• Cardiomyopathy
• Blood clots

These aren't scare tactics. They're CDC statistics.

What People Don't Talk About

Beyond mortality, there's a long list of pregnancy and birth complications that society likes to gloss over:

• Vaginal tearing: Occurs in up to 90% of first-time vaginal births
• Urinary incontinence: Can be permanent
• Diastasis recti: Abdominal muscle separation
• Pelvic floor damage: Leading to prolapse and other issues
• Hemorrhoids: Common and painful
• Preeclampsia: Life-threatening high blood pressure
• Gestational diabetes: Can have lasting effects
• Postpartum depression: Affects 1 in 7 new mothers
• Birth trauma and PTSD: More common than acknowledged
• Accelerated cellular aging: Pregnancy literally ages your cells

This isn't meant to frighten—it's meant to validate. If these possibilities terrify you, that's a reasonable response to real risks.

Common Fears (All Valid)

Research shows the most common specific fears include:

1. Fear of episiotomy (surgical cutting)
2. Fear of losing control during birth
3. Fear of pain
4. Fear of tearing
5. Fear of complications
6. Fear of death
7. Fear of permanent body changes

Every single one of these fears is grounded in reality. Every single one is valid.

"But It's Natural"

Yes, childbirth is natural. So is dying from childbirth—which humans did at alarming rates throughout history and still do in many parts of the world today.

"Natural" doesn't mean safe. "Natural" doesn't mean you have to want it.

A Quote That Stuck With Me

Someone online put it this way:

"The fear is not pathological. It's valid and realistic. If I told you I did not want to be a firefighter because I don't want to be burned alive, you'd get it. You wouldn't call me pathological."

Exactly.

Tokophobia and the Childfree Choice

Here's something important to understand: tokophobia and being childfree are not the same thing.

Some people with tokophobia want children and seek treatment for their fear. Some find ways to become parents through surrogacy or adoption. Some choose to work through the fear and give birth anyway.

And some—like many of us—simply don't want to do it. The fear is one of many reasons, or it's the main reason, or it's the only reason.

It doesn't matter.

Not wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth is a complete, valid, sufficient reason to be childfree. You don't need to "overcome" a fear of something you never wanted to do in the first place.

You Don't Need to Be "Fixed"

Too often, tokophobia is framed as a problem to solve. A disorder to treat. An obstacle to motherhood.

But what if you don't want motherhood?

What if the "treatment" you need is simply permission to opt out?

You are not broken for fearing something that is genuinely risky. You are not selfish for prioritizing your physical and mental health. You are not less of a woman for not wanting to give birth.

Your body. Your choice. Full stop.

For Those Who Feel Dismissed

If you've shared your fear and been told:

• "You'll change your mind"
• "It's not that bad"
• "Women have been doing it forever"
• "The pain is worth it"
• "You're overthinking it"

I'm sorry. Your fear deserved to be heard, not dismissed.

The people saying these things usually mean well. But their reassurance isn't helpful when it invalidates your lived experience.

Your fear is real. Your reasons are valid. You don't owe anyone an explanation—but if you need one, "I don't want to" is enough.

Finding Your People

One of the hardest parts of tokophobia is feeling alone with it. Like everyone else got some memo about how beautiful and natural pregnancy is, and you're the only one who finds it terrifying.

You're not.

There are millions of people who share some version of this experience. They're in online communities. They're in your life, staying quiet because they've learned that honesty isn't always welcome.

At Chosn, we're building a space where you never have to justify your choices. Where "I don't want to experience pregnancy" is met with understanding, not interrogation.

The Bottom Line

Fear of childbirth is real, it's common, and it's valid.

You don't have to overcome it. You don't have to explain it. You don't have to apologize for it.

You just have to live your life—the one you actually want.