"But What If You Change Your Mind?"

If you're childfree, you've heard it. From family. From coworkers. From that random person at a party who somehow feels entitled to weigh in on your reproductive choices.

"But what if you change your mind?"

It's a question that sounds reasonable on the surface. After all, people do change their minds about things. But there's something deeper going on here—and it's worth unpacking.

The Hidden Assumption

When someone asks "what if you change your mind?", they're not really asking a question. They're making a statement: Your current decision isn't valid because it might be different later.

Think about how rarely we apply this logic to other major life choices:

• "You're getting married? But what if you change your mind?"
• "You're having a baby? But what if you regret it?"
• "You're buying a house? What if you decide you wanted to rent?"

For some reason, the choice not to have children is treated as uniquely provisional. Always up for debate. Never quite settled.

Why It Bothers Us

The question stings because it implies we haven't thought this through. That we're making a decision lightly. That we don't really know ourselves.

But here's the reality: most childfree adults have thought about this more than the average parent thought about having kids. We've had to. Society doesn't let us not think about it.

We've considered it from every angle. We've weathered years of pressure, questions, and assumptions. We've done the internal work.

We know.

How to Respond

There's no perfect response that works for everyone, but here are some approaches:

The Mirror: "What if you change your mind about having kids?" (Usually stops the conversation.)

The Honest: "I've thought about this deeply for years. I know myself."

The Redirect: "I'm really happy with my life as it is. Tell me about yours."

The Boundary: "I'd rather not discuss my reproductive choices." (Simple. Effective. No apology needed.)

The Real Answer

Here's the truth that the question ignores: even if someone did change their mind later, that wouldn't invalidate their choice today.

We make decisions based on who we are now, with the information we have now. That's all any of us can do. The possibility of future change doesn't mean we shouldn't live fully in our present choices.

And for what it's worth? Research shows that childfree adults report the same levels of life satisfaction as parents. We're not missing out. We're just living differently.

Finding Your People

One of the best parts of connecting with other childfree people is that you never have to explain yourself. No one asks if you'll change your mind. No one treats your life as incomplete.

There's a profound relief in being understood without having to justify yourself.

That's the community we're building at Chosn. A place where your choice is simply... yours.