No, Childfree People Don't Hate Kids

"So you hate kids?"

If you're childfree, you've probably heard this. Maybe from family. Maybe from a date. Maybe from a stranger who somehow feels entitled to an opinion about your life choices.

Let's clear this up once and for all.

Not Wanting Kids ≠ Hating Kids

This should be obvious, but apparently it isn't: choosing not to have children is not the same as hating children.

Consider some parallels:

• Not wanting to be a doctor doesn't mean you hate medicine
• Not wanting to live in New York doesn't mean you hate the city
• Not wanting a dog doesn't mean you hate dogs

You can appreciate something—even love something—without wanting it to be the center of your life.

What Childfree Actually Means

Being childfree simply means you've made a deliberate choice not to have children. That's it.

Some childfree people:

• Work with kids professionally (teachers, pediatricians, coaches)
• Adore their nieces and nephews
• Enjoy spending time with friends' children
• Volunteer with youth organizations

Others prefer limited interaction with children, and that's valid too. But "limited interaction" isn't hatred—it's just a preference.

Where the Misconception Comes From

The "childfree people hate kids" myth persists for a few reasons:

Venting gets amplified: When childfree people express frustration about entitled parents or misbehaving children in public, it gets characterized as "hating kids." But complaining about bad behavior isn't hatred.

Boundary-setting is misread: Saying "I'd rather not hold your baby" or "This is an adults-only event" gets interpreted as hostility. It's not. It's just boundaries.

Defensiveness: Some parents feel judged by the mere existence of people who chose differently. That discomfort gets projected as "they must hate us."

A vocal minority: Like any community, some childfree people do express antipathy toward children. They don't represent everyone.

The Real Feelings

Most childfree people feel something much more nuanced than hatred:

Neutrality: Kids exist. That's fine. We just don't want our own.

Appreciation from a distance: Kids can be funny, creative, and interesting—in doses that don't involve 3am feedings.

Concern: Many childfree people care deeply about children's welfare, which is partly why they take the decision to have them so seriously.

Boundary fatigue: The exhaustion of constantly defending a personal choice can look like hostility, but it's really just tiredness.

What We Actually Want

Here's what most childfree people are asking for:

1. Respect for our choice—without assumptions about our character
2. Not being told we'll change our minds—we know ourselves
3. Spaces that aren't child-centric—we exist too
4. Recognition that our lives are complete—we're not missing anything

That's it. We're not asking anyone else to be childfree. We're not trying to eliminate children from existence. We just want to live our lives without constant commentary.

A More Honest Conversation

Instead of asking "do you hate kids?", try:

• "What led you to that decision?"
• "What does your ideal life look like?"
• "What do you enjoy about your lifestyle?"

You might find that childfree people have thoughtful, considered reasons for their choices—reasons that have nothing to do with hatred and everything to do with self-knowledge.

We're not anti-kid. We're pro-choice—about our own lives.